


Summer

by pcyxiumin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternative Lifestyles, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:55:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11385369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcyxiumin/pseuds/pcyxiumin
Summary: Jiyoon and Jongin had been best friends since birth thanks to their families. They visit a cabin every summer, nothing changed until both of them had graduated, soon off to college. This would be their last time at the family cabin for years to come, and things begin to change for Jongin. What happens when he begins to realize everything too late?





	1. Chapter 1

Summer approached again, bringing Jiyoon and her family, the Parks, out for their yearly vacation with the Kims. The families had been friends for generations and Jiyoon found herself being best friends with Jongin - the Kim boy who was just a few months older than her.

The two went to school together, they were the best of friends and nearly inseparable. The two of them drove up to the beach house every summer together. They arrived at the house the day after school let out and went back with a month left.

Jiyoon and Jongin had shared one of the rooms since, as their parents said, before they were born. Every year, they raced each other to it and even though he would never admit it, Jongin always let her win. Jiyoon quickly ran into the bathroom after that to change.

Within the hour, Jiyoon had already made it into the water. Jongin stood on the beach, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head at her. He’d gotten ready to go into the water as well, but he didn’t enjoy it as much as Jiyoon did - and it was next to freezing.

“Jongin!” She called to him, making him look at her. “Come in the water.” She was about ten feet away from the shore, but the water had barely gone up to her waist.

“I’d rather stay dry, Jiyoon.” He shouted back in reply until his older sister nudged his shoulder. Her name was Jungah and she was good friends with Jiyoon as well.

“Don’t leave your girlfriend waiting.” Jungah snickered, receiving a glare from her younger brother.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” He shot back, hearing Jiyoon call to him again. He watched as one of the waves almost knocked her over and his face broke into a smile when he saw her stumble. He looked back to his sister, who had a knowing look in her eyes. Jongin was sure he knew though, Jiyoon was his best friend.

“Well, then don’t leave your best friend waiting. Get out there.” Jungah told her brother. He sighed and nodded, walking to the shore and dipping his foot into the water.

“Jiyoon, it’s  _cold_.” He whined.

“Don’t be a baby, get out here.” Jiyoon scoffed, walking up to him and dragging him into the water with her. His body was tense as the cold water washed over his skin.

“I should’ve known you’d drag me out here.” He pouted.

“You love spending time with me.” She nudged his arm. “What would you do without me?”

“You know, you’re really confident in what I think about you.” He crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows at her.

“Well, yeah, we’ve only been best friends for nearly eighteen years.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I think college is going to be the longest we’ll ever be apart.” His face fell as he remembered - after they left their summer home, they’d most likely not see much of each other. He was going to college around home, but Jiyoon had her eyes elsewhere. She was going somewhere far away, the details of which he found hard to comprehend.

“Do you really have to go?” He asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Quit that, this is our last free summer, we should spend it together, right? Don’t think about college right now.” She advised him. He couldn’t help it, he’d never been away from his best friend for more than a week and even then, they were texting or calling each other. Jiyoon was going to a whole different time zone, he knew it would be really hard to be normal with her this summer.

“It’s hard,” he whined, “I don’t think I can function without you for that long.”

“We both knew this was coming at some point, though, right?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowing. Wrong. He hadn’t thought about it at all. He didn’t want to be without his best friend and he was really reluctant to let her go.

“Not really.” He shrugged.

“On the bright side, maybe you’ll finally get a girlfriend.” She teased him. He rolled his eyes and splashed her. She squealed but laughed.

“What if I don’t want one?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Dating is fun, Jongin.” She shrugged. “You’ve never had anything serious.”

“And you have?” He asked a little too fast, for some reason, he felt his chest tighten.

“Once.” She shrugged. “He kinda ended up being a douchebag though, but that’s okay.” He frowned. He’d heard this story before, but he never considered their relationship to be serious. What even qualified as serious?

“What qualifies as serious?” He asked.

“Uh, I don’t know.” She chuckled, shaking her head. “It’s a feeling, I think.”

“Everything is a feeling for you.”

“What can I say? I like emotions.” She told him. “That’s why we’re best friends. We balance each other out, you know? Like I’m all emotion and you’re mind blowingly boring -” She was cut off by another splash, a laugh escaping her lips.

“I’m not boring, just sensible.” He replied to her. “Dancing isn’t boring.” Jiyoon preferred things that contained emotion - creative writing, art, anything that she could express herself with. Jongin, despite his sensibility, was a dancer through and through. There was nothing else he’d rather do than dance.

Sometimes,  _sometimes_ , if he was lucky, Jiyoon would learn choreography with him. Otherwise, he always danced solo.

“I’m worried about you, Ji.” He pouted. “You’re possibly going to a whole new country and I don’t…ugh, I don’t want you to go.”

“Awe, Nini’s worried.” She teased him, reaching up and patting his head.

“I’m  _serious_!” He whined.

“I know, I know.” She told him. “After college is over, I’ll come back for you, you know that right? Hopefully by then, you’ll be married.”

“In four years I’ll only be twenty-two.” He scoffed. “Hardly old enough to be married. That’s my prime, Jiyoon, why would I get married during my prime?”

“Well, remember our agreement, alright?”

“Which one?” He asked her.

“If we’re not married or in a serious relationship by the time we’re thirty, we’re marrying each other.” Jiyoon pointed her finger at him. He scrunched up his nose.

“You were serious about that?” This time, she splashed him.

“Yes, you dummy.” She glared at him. “Plus, it wouldn’t be horrible to be married to you.”

“Oh, I’m not horrible, huh?” He smiled.

“Well, you’re my best friend and if I’d have to platonically have children with you, they wouldn’t be ugly.” She told him honestly. He felt his face heat up and he turned away from her, another laugh sounding from behind him. “Jongin, I’m not  _that_  bad, okay?”

“That’s not - that’s not why I turned around, Jiyoon.” He told her, turning back to her. “If it makes up for anything, I’d platonically make children too.” He cleared his throat.

“I don’t think you phrased that right.” She scrunched up her nose and his shoulders drooped.

“Jiyoon, you know what I meant! I don’t want to -” He groaned. “What if I stay single on purpose until I’m thirty? What if you find someone and I don’t? That sounds like my luck.”

“Jongin,” Jiyoon started, “trust me when I say you will have no trouble finding a girlfriend, alright? You’re just not looking.” Maybe he wasn’t looking, but he had a reason. A part of him really thought he was supposed to marry Jiyoon. Their families would definitely appreciate that.

“Nobody sticks out to me. My mom always said that if you’re gonna love someone, it should be someone you can picture yourself with for a long time. You’re my best friend, so you’re stuck with me, but I can’t picture anyone else in my life for that long.” He told her honestly with a shrug. The look she was giving him made him really look into her eyes. He enjoyed the color and they were often soft.

“So maybe we’re soulmates,” she was joking, but Jongin didn’t see it that way, not that he’d ever tell her. She continued, “that, or our families really go out of their way for us to end up together.”

“Soulmates?” He contemplated it for a while. “Yeah, I like that. You’re my soulmate, Jiyoon.” She thought he was joking and at the time, he did too. The water had ceased to be cold to him, his body had adjusted to it and he found himself actually enjoying it.

“Jiyoon, Jongin, dinner’s almost done!” Mrs. Park called to the two of them.

“We’ll be in soon!” Jongin shouted back, waving to Jiyoon’s mother.

Just as the two were about to walk back towards the house, a wave took Jiyoon off guard. The water knocked her off her feet and before Jongin could even process what he was doing, he leapt forward and caught her, staring at her for a minute. He met her eyes and his smile slowly went away. Her’s stayed intact. His heart skipped a beat and he blinked a couple times, wondering what his pounding heart and twisting stomach meant.

“I fell.” She giggled.

Little did she know, he did too.


	2. Chapter 2

Jongin was exhausted after the day’s events - the long car ride, the ‘family time’ - and he was more than ready to sleep. Jiyoon, on the other hand, was always up at least an hour after him. For some reason, every time he saw her now, his chest would tighten and he’d lose his ability to talk. He refused to come to terms with what that meant, especially since she was leaving almost right after the trip.

The two sat in their shared bedroom, Jiyoon was sitting at the opposite end of his bed as he began to doze off against his headboard. She woke him up when she began to talk.

“Why are you so tired?” She complained. “We just got here.”

“Because we did a lot today,” he replied, “and I’m bored.” He shrugged, his eyes still closed. The TV in the background was the only light, the curtains were drawn but even if they were open, no moon would be there to see.

Eventually she convinced him to watch a movie with her. She sat next to him slightly leaning against him. He liked how she always smelled of flowers and some kind of fruit that he couldn’t put his finger on at the moment. His arm was  _kind of_  around her, hanging limply on her other side but definitely around her body.

About halfway through the movie, he was somehow still awake. He looked next to him and saw that the one who’d wanted to stay up in the first place was fast asleep against his shoulder. He chuckled quietly, shaking his head.

“Park Jiyoon, you’re a real pain in my ass.” He moved the covers back, gently laying her down against his pillows as he decided it wouldn’t be weird for her to sleep next to him. She had before, after all, the two always were either right next to each other or cuddling. It was something that best friends did, he convinced himself of that.

He attempted to ignore the pounding of his heart as he settled next to her. He wrapped his arms around her almost protectively and pulled her body next to his. As if it were instinct, she curled into his chest and shuffled a bit before being still.

He was tired, he wouldn’t deny that, but just looking at her while she slept made him feel some weird emotion that he’d never really experienced much with anyone else. Maybe he could ask his sister about it. However, the last thing he wanted was for someone to tell Jiyoon.

With a sigh, he kissed the top of her head and began to fall asleep.

Jongin always woke up before Jiyoon, so it was no shock to Jongin that Jiyoon was still curled against him. It was almost as if she hadn’t moved at all throughout the night. Jongin carefully untangled himself from her and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and pat down his hair.

He walked into the kitchen to find his mother there, cooking breakfast. She made him a cup of coffee, which he took gratefully and began to drink, not minding that he almost burned his tongue. He was still tired, his eyes drooping even as he sat at the counter.

“So, Jongin,” his mother began, “what’s going on with you and Jiyoon?”

“What?” He nearly squeaked out. “Nothing, mom, she’s my best friend.”

“I know that you two are best friends, and we let you keep sharing a room because of that, but if we have anything to worry about, that has to change -”

“I’m not into Jiyoon like that, okay? Where are you even getting this from?” He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Jongin, I just went into your room earlier. I was going to ask what you wanted for breakfast but I didn’t want to disturb either of you. I’ve never seen you be so close to someone.” His mom shrugged, returning her attention back to cooking.

“That’s because she’s my best friend, best friends are typically close.” He said sarcastically, and his mother sighed.

“I just wish  _something_  would happen before she leaves.” His mother’s words almost surprised him. She continued, “I mean, you two can’t see it, I’m sure, but Miyoung and I both see that it’s been more than friendship for at least a year now. That’s why you haven’t gotten a girlfriend.” That’s when Jungah walked into the kitchen.

“We talking about Jongin’s undying love for Jiyoon?” The smile was wide on her face and Jongin just rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, I don’t -” Everyone fell quiet when Jiyoon walked into the room. Jongin almost laughed at how tired she looked when she sat next to him.

His mother handed her a cup of coffee, which she took gratefully and she didn’t seem to mind the scalding liquid either. She hadn’t appeared to have heard any of their conversation, and Jongin was grateful for that. He didn’t want her to think anything like that.

Jiyoon and Jongin got assigned to go pick some things up from the store. Jiyoon insisted on driving because she enjoyed it so much, but Jongin was glad to let her. They pulled into the store and got the things they needed.

It was unlike her to be so quiet around him. He wanted to ask if he did something wrong, but he couldn’t even begin to process what words to say. He didn’t like being on the receiving end of her cold shoulder.

Maybe she  _had_  heard their conversation. Did she think he was in love with her?

Well, maybe his sister wasn’t far off at this point. He was like a lost puppy, following her around and always making sure she was with him. They’d been inseparable since they were children.

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it, unable to think of anything.

“Jongin, what are you doing?” She asked him. “Are you ignoring me?”

“What?” He asked, frowning at her.

“I can’t reach this.” She sighed, pointing up to the top shelf. “Help.” He walked by her and reached the box on the top shelf, pulling it down and putting it in the little basket she carried on her arm.

He moved to walk down the aisle to find something else when he heard her sigh.

“Jongin, is this about last night?” She asked. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, okay?”

“Jiyoon, I’m not mad.” He turned around and raised his eyebrow at her. “I don’t have a reason to be mad. It’s not like you haven’t slept in my bed before.”

“But it’s different now.” She told him.

“How is it different?” He tilted his head to the side and he could’ve sworn he saw her tense up a bit.

“It’s not.” She cleared her throat, looking away from him. “What else do we need?”

Jongin didn’t get much else out of Jiyoon. They finished what they had to and went back to the house. Something was different about Jiyoon, and he couldn’t even begin to tell why.

The day dragged on for Jongin. He didn’t know what he was going to do when she was off to college somewhere far away. He probably wouldn’t even be able to call her. He’d finally had enough when the sun had set and she was making sure she was around as many people as possible.

He grabbed her arm and without many words, he dragged her outside. Her eyes were wide as she looked into Jongin’s.

“What the hell are you doing?” She asked.

“I could ask the same thing.” He held onto her wrist.

“I’m spending time with my family.” She replied, attempting to jerk her arm away from Jongin. “You’re not the only one I have to leave, Jongin.”

“What is going on with you?” He was frustrated, he could tell something was off and he wanted to know. “You’ve been acting weird all day. Did sleeping in my bed make you that uncomfortable?”

“No, that’s not it.” She sighed, removing her wrist from his grasp and running it through her hair. She turned away from him. “I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Jiyoon, I just want -”

“I’m in love with you.” Her eyes met his and his heart stopped beating in his chest. He stared at her in shock for a second, never expecting those words to come out of her mouth.

“You’re what?” He breathed out, finally understanding why his heart was pounding so hard in his chest whenever he was with Jiyoon. He loved her.

“Jongin, I…” she trailed off, before a smile began to form on her lips. “Jongin, I’m kidding. Calm down.” She started to laugh and he was still, he was completely unsure of what to say.

“You’re kidding.” He sighed, grabbing onto the railing of the porch and looking out towards the yard. He grabbed one of the decorative pillows off of the porch swing and threw it at her. “Don’t joke about that kind of stuff.”

“Your face,” she giggled, “you were so worried. What happened to wanting to make children?” She nudged his arm.

“ _Platonically_  make children, Jiyoon, there’s a difference.” His heart was racing, but not because she scared him. It was almost like he enjoyed the rush he got when she told him.

“Still making children.” She teased him. She walked over to the porch swing and sat down, waiting for Jongin to sit next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leaned against him.

“You reacted horribly to that.” She chuckled.

“What was I supposed to do?” He asked her. “That was the last thing I expected you to tell me.”

“Would it really be that bad if I was in love with you?” She asked him, uncharacteristically quiet. He frowned for a second, would it be bad?

“No,” he replied after a moment of thought, “nothing would be bad with you.”

He felt like he could barely breathe.

After a while of just sitting there, Jiyoon went inside to see her family and Jongin’s sister, Jungah, joined him outside. She sat next to him and Jongin sighed.

“Jungah, can I ask you a question?” He asked, still looking out at the scenery in front of him - a yard enclosed by too many trees.

“Of course,” his sister replied to him.

“How do you know if you’re in love?” He couldn’t see it but his sister began smiling next to him.

“Do you think you’re in love with someone?” She raised her eyebrow at him.

“I don’t know what this is.” He chuckled quietly, shaking his head and folding his hands in his lap.

“Okay, so tell me how it feels when you see or think about this person.” She knew exactly who he was talking about, but neither would ever say it out loud, not when she was so close.

“Her eyes are really shiny,” he was already smiling, “and she makes me laugh. She’s really funny, Jungah, you would love her. Her hair is always soft and she smells like flowers. Not the fakes ones, the real ones that smell really good. Her skin is really soft and her laugh - ugh, she’s like an angel.” He was too lost in his thought or he would’ve seen the smile on his sister’s face.

“And what do you think of when you see her?” At her question, he sighed, furrowing his eyebrows.

“It probably sounds really dumb.” He chuckled, shaking his head slowly. “You’ll just make fun of me.”

“No, Jongin, I won’t.” Jungah told him. “I’m really interested.”

“Fine,” he sighed, “what I think of…” he paused, “I think that she’s the only one that could ever be right for me. She’s the only one that  _has_  been right for me, I guess. Everyone else just seems so… _bland_ , but she’s everything, Jungah, and I want to hold her close and hear her laugh and look into her eyes and tell her how much I love her.” He realized how much he’d said and he cleared his throat awkwardly, turning his head away from his sister and running his fingers through his hair.

“My little brother’s all grown up.” Jungah pouted. “Stop doing that.” She smacked his arm gently and he laughed.

“I really love her, Jungah.” He didn’t even have to tell her who he was talking about. Jungah knew, she’d known for a long time.

_Jiyoon_.

 


	3. Chapter 3

A month after Jongin’s realization, he still couldn’t take his mind off of her. There were more nights that she slept in his bed than her own; Jiyoon was practically already his - just without the hand holding, the kissing, and the mutual love. Jiyoon wasn’t in love with him like he was in love with her.

Both of their families were surrounding a fire that was crackled every now and then. Jiyoon’s chair was close to Jongin’s, her head leaning on his shoulder. Just an hour ago, she was shivering so he’d given her the sweatshirt he’d been wearing.

He was cold, but it didn’t matter - as long as Jiyoon was warm.

He would make eye contact with Jungah at times, seeing the smile on her face as she took in the scene in front of her. Jungah’s bluetooth speaker was playing soft music, almost enough to lull Jongin off to sleep. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He looked at it, seeing the text from from his sister.

She told him to ask Jiyoon to dance with him. Right now? In front of both of their families? Jungah changed the song in the middle of it, a different song playing through the speaker. He recognized the song, even more so when he felt Jiyoon move next to him.

He made eye contact with Jungah once more, seeing her nod.

“Jiyoon,” Jongin looked at her, waiting for her to look at him, “let’s dance.” Surprisingly, she gave no hesitation. She stood up first, smiling at Jongin as she reached for his hand. They moved away from the fire and stood at a safe enough distance away. He gripped her hand with his, the other finding it’s way to her waist. She smiled at him and put her hand on his shoulder.

He loved dancing with Jiyoon.

“They’re gonna be so confused.” She giggled quietly.

“Then let’s take it up another level, shall we?” His mouth twitched up into a smile as she raised her eyebrow at him. He removed his hand from her waist, twirling her effortlessly. He felt everyone’s eyes on them, but he didn’t care. He twirled her back to him, but her back hit his chest. He released her hand and wrapped his arms around her waist, the two of them rocking back and forth as the ignored their families.

“This is about a dozen levels.” She told him, placing her hands over his. Even as the next song played, they stayed like that, his head resting on top of her’s.

Thankfully, their families let them continue to stand there, not minding how much he enjoyed being close to her. They all, while never being told directly, knew exactly what he felt for Jiyoon. He was probably the last one to figure it out.

“Jiyoon?” He whispered.

“Hm?” Was her response.

“Would…would being in love with me be a bad thing?” He asked her, quiet enough so nobody else could hear him. “Did you think my reaction meant that I wouldn’t be okay with that?”

“Of course it wouldn’t be a bad thing, Jongin.” She told him. “It’d be a bad idea to fall in love with you now.” It felt like his heart sunk into his chest. Did that mean she didn’t love him?

“I’m…I’m really tired.” He said quietly. “I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Do you want me to come too?” She asked.

“No,” he shrugged, releasing her from his grip, “wouldn’t want them to think we’re in love or anything.” He was a bit colder than he should’ve been, but he was in love with her. He wanted to be with her and he couldn’t even do that.

He walked past his family up onto the deck of the house, glancing over his shoulder. He saw Jiyoon, and even from the distance he was at, he could see the hurt on her face as clear as day. He sighed and walked into the house, sliding the door closed gently behind him.

He felt the lump in his throat as he sat down on his bed, running his fingers through his hair as he sniffled. He attempted to swallow the lump, he wanted anything but tears right now. Jiyoon probably would’ve made fun of him, had she come with him like she offered.

In fact, he was far from tired. He could’ve laid in his bed with Jiyoon and held her close to him and she wouldn’t think anything of it because they’ve done that before. With every passing day, he wanted to kiss her more and more.

Why couldn’t he have her?

Why couldn’t she just be  _his_?

He decided that finally, he would lay down and attempt to sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, he felt a warmth next to him and an arm around his waist. He turned around and through tired eyes, he saw Jiyoon - fast asleep - right next to him. He looked at her, a new wave of heartache overtaking him.

“Park Jiyoon, why can’t you love me?” He whispered quietly. However, he definitely hadn’t expected an answer.

“Because I have to leave.” She told him, even though her eyes were closed. “Because if I tell you I love you and you tell me the same, I won’t be able to leave.”

“But I do, Jiyoon.” He finally admitted to her. “I do love you.”

“Jongin -”

“Can I tell you why?” He sat up in his bed and watched as she turned on her back, making eye contact with him.

She nodded.

“Every time I see you…my heart just - my heart skips a beat and I can’t help but smile. I hear your voice and everything fades away and I could listen to you just talk for hours, Jiyoon, I really could. You’re beautiful too, you know, breathtakingly beautiful. Every time I see you it feels like I can’t breathe because I kind of forget how to.” He told her, a slight chuckle slipping past his lips as he shook his head.

“Jongin…” she looked at him, attempting to form the words. Her eyes had welled with tears and she was avoiding eye contact with him. “I-I’m sorry but I can’t.” She shook her head. “I can’t love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

Jongin tried to forget for the remainder of the trip. It was the day before everyone was supposed to leave when the parents decided that they’d waver their ‘no underage drinking’ rule for Jongin and Jiyoon.

Jongin hadn’t ever really had alcohol before, so he barely had any, but Jiyoon seemed as if she knew what she was doing. As the night carried on, it seemed more like Jiyoon was drinking to forget than she was to have fun. Jongin knew that was a bad habit to have.

Jiyoon drunk enough, he decided, so he told her that the alcohol was cut off. She pouted a bit at first, but the people around the fire had begun to shuffle inside one by one until Jiyoon and Jongin were the only two out there. She was stumbling over her feet and giggling at herself.

“Jongin,” she dragged out each syllable, grabbing onto his arm, “can I ask you a question?”

“Uh, sure.”

“You’ve had like three girlfriends, are you a virgin?” Her question had him choking on his drink and a bright red color spreading across his cheeks.

“Jiyoon, I’m not answering that -”

“Don’t be embarrassed if you are, Jongin.” She slurred a bit. “I wanted my first time to be special too.” Wanted. Past tense.

“Jiyoon?” His eyes were wide as he looked at her.

“It wasn’t even special.” She cleared her throat, the giggles stopping. “Jongin, make sure it’s special for you, okay?”

“Jiyoon…what happened?”

“Classic high school boys, I guess.” She shrugged, looking at the fire, at the sky, anywhere but at Jongin. “He said that if I didn’t do it that he’d leave me and at that point I thought that would’ve been the end of my life.” She bit her lip. “So I didn’t even care. I let him do what he wanted…” she trailed off. “It hurt, Jongin, the whole time.”

He felt his heart break in his chest and moved his chair as close to her’s before pulling her close to him. He wrapped his arms around her without hesitation and held her shaking body close to him as she cried. He couldn’t tell what this feeling in his chest was, but all he wanted to do was kill whoever had done that to her. He didn’t know much but he knew that nobody should’ve been in pain the whole time.

“I’m so sorry, Jiyoon -”

“You couldn’t have known, Jongin.” She shook her head and sniffled, wiping her eyes. “I didn’t tell anyone. He dumped me a couple weeks later because I didn’t want to do it again.”

The only thing that he could’ve thought to say was ‘I wouldn’t have done that to you’. He cupped her cheek gently, wiping away the tears with his thumb. She looked up at him, her eyes shiny as he remembered everything that she’d told him. He was so mad that he hadn’t helped his best friend.

“I don’t know what to say other than that I really want to fucking kill him.” His words made her laugh quietly, and he took a deep breath.

“It’s in the past now,” she smiled softly at him, “I have you now.” His thumb stopped moving against her cheek.

“You’ve always had me, Jiyoon.” He replied.

“Not like this,” she shook her head, “definitely not like this.”

He didn’t say anything else. His eyes traveled from her’s to her lips. He leaned in slowly, too slowly for his own liking. He was so nervous that she would tell him no, that she didn’t want to kiss him.

That wasn’t the case. His lips brushed her’s softly at first, barely touching until he was sure she wanted him to kiss her. Then he pressed his lips against her’s, really kissing her. His lips worked perfectly in sync with her own.

He shifted a bit, his heart stilled in his chest. He’d imagined many times what this would feel like, but he never really believed it would happen. Her lips tasted strongly of alcohol and the tug at his heart told him that was the only reason she was kissing him.

“Jiyoon,” he pushed her away from him, “it’s late. You should get some rest.”

“Kiss me again.” She breathed out.

He shook his head. “Not tonight, Ji. You’re drunk and you’ll regret kissing me in the morning. Please don’t do this.”

“Come with me.” She told him.

“Where?”

“To bed. We’re going to sleep like you said.” She stood up and stumbled a bit, leaving Jongin to hold tightly onto her.

“You’re gonna fall, dummy.”

“You’re the dummy,” she scoffed, “or you would’ve realized that I already have.”

“You’re still on your feet.” He frowned, unsure of what she meant.

“Just drop it.” She giggled, letting Jongin help her inside the house. They got into their room and he attempted to lead her to her own bed, but she stopped cooperating with him.

“Jiyoon, you’ve gotta sleep -”

“With you,” she mumbled, “with you.” He sighed, realizing how conflicted he really was. He could hold her close to him like she was his or he could make it easier for himself tomorrow when she had to leave.

“Okay, fine, but you have to sleep.” He told her. She nodded as she leaned against him. He walked her over towards his bed and she waited until he sat down next to her.

“Jongin?”

“Can you kiss me again? Please?” She bit down on her bottom lip and even through the dark, Jongin make out everything about her. Her eyes shone and her hair was a bit messy but still perfect to him. She was driving him crazy and she knew it just as well as he did.

“One more,” he said with a stern tone, this time not hesitating to lean in and kiss her. He managed to stay gentle with her, despite the urge he had to prove to her how he’d felt about her in one kiss. He’d loved her for years on end, and he wanted to show her that.

The breath caught in his throat as she moved, not taking her lips off of his. He let out a sound of surprise when he found her straddling his lap, staring directly into his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he looked at her, unsure of what was going on.

“Jiyoon -”

“Sh,” she hummed, leaning down to his neck to kiss his skin. He shifted under her and bit his lip. She nipped at his skin and he felt himself becoming affected by her already. He’d never seen this side of Jiyoon and he wasn’t sure exactly what was happening.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Doesn’t it feel good, Jongin?” She asked him, stopping her movement. He felt his face heat up as he realized that he did like it, he wanted more, but he wouldn’t - not while she was drunk.

“W-we can’t do this, Ji, you’re drunk and don’t know what you’re doing and I’m not much better either.” He tried to reason with himself but he was sure that she could feel his member begin to press against her.

“It’s obvious we’ve both wanted this for a long time.” She tilted her head and looked at him, her previously drooping eyes were now wide open, swirling with emotions that he couldn’t even begin to recognize.

“And you’re drunk.” He whispered. “Do you really love me, or are you just too drunk to think of anything else to make me want to sleep with you?” He regretted his words when he saw a flash of hurt travel through her eyes.

“I do love you, I have for years,” she told him, “I’ve never loved someone like I love you. Do you love me?” He couldn’t even tell what time it was but he prayed that nobody walked past their room.

“I’m in love with you, Park Jiyoon.” He replied. “No games, no jokes this time. I’m so in love with you that it hurts.”

“I want you.” She said to him. His body shivered under her’s, his hands lifting from the bed sheets to her hips.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me tomorrow.”

“I won’t be.” She reassured him. “I know you won’t hurt me.” His heart fluttered in his chest and he brought his lips to her’s again. She sighed into his kiss, her hips rolling against his. He gasped against her lips and she smiled.

“Be mine.” It was more of a command than a question.

“Always have been.” She replied simply, reaching down and pulling her shirt over head. He took a deep, shaky breath as he attempted to maintain eye contact with Jiyoon. She giggled. “You can look.” So he did, his eyes swept over her body until her hands found the hem of his shirt.

“Are we really doing this?” He asked softly, looking at her with wide eyes.

“I want to.” She said, running her fingers through his hair. “But if you don’t want to, we won’t.”

“I-I don’t know how to -”

“That’s okay.” She gave him a small smile. “I can show you.” His nerves were at their peak and he wanted nothing more than to be with her.

“I want you, Jiyoon.” He whispered to her, slowly moving his hips against her’s. She nodded slowly and got off of his lap to pull his sweatpants down along with his boxers. He was almost fully hard, all it took was a couple pumps of her hand to get him leaking precum and ready for her.

“Have you done anything before, Jongin?” She asked him, looking up at him from her position on the floor in front of him.

“N-not really.” He shook his head. “I’ve, uh, done things on my own. To myself.” The timidness in his voice, for some reason, turned Jiyoon on more. She let out a sigh and she stood, pulling her own pants down quickly.

His breathing sped up the closer she got to him until she was positioned right above his member. He felt her wetness pressed gently against his tip and he whimpered quietly, unsure of what to do with his hands. He settled on reaching behind her back to find the clasp of her bra.

She allowed the last piece of fabric separating them to fall from her shoulders and he stared at her with hooded eyes, wanting to feel more of her. He began to grind against her the best her could.

“Are you ready, Jongin?” She asked, her voice shaky. Jiyoon had done this before, but she had been in pain because of it. What if Jongin caused her the same pain?

“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice almost broke as she put him right against her entrance. He could already feel her wetness and her warmth.

“You won’t.” She replied. “Do you want me?”

“Desperately,” he told her honestly. He heard her take a deep breath before she began to guide him inside her. It was impossible to describe, her walls were velvety and it was like they swallowed him as she sank down on him.

He could tell by the look on her face that it wasn’t the same experience for her. She almost looked like she was in pain as she took him in.

“Stop, stop,” he told her, gripping her hips. She gave him a confused look but he didn’t let her go. “Does it hurt?”

“It just stings a little, Jongin, it’ll be okay.” She smiled at him. “I haven’t done this in a long time.” He nodded slowly, allowing her to slide down the rest of the way. He breathed heavily and his body shook as he attempted not to let his hips roll.

She gripped his shoulders and as soon as the first sweet moan left her lips, his hips bucked. The two attempted to stay quiet, which was working well. She sat with him fully inside her for a few minutes before she started to make small movements with her hips.

“Fuck, Jiyoon,” Jongin whimpered, burying his head in her neck as her movements slowly became bolder. She tangled her fingers in his hair and she began to bounce on him, making him look up to see her. Her eyes were clouded with dark lust.

He just hoped he wasn’t hurting her. The way she moved on him made him think he wasn’t, and the quiet moans slipping past her lips confirmed every one of his thoughts. Heat began to rush through his body and he knew what that meant - he knew that she wasn’t as close as he was.

“Jiyoon, I’m -”

“I know,” she replied quietly, “it’s okay.” He barely had time to hear what she was saying before he felt himself twitch inside of her. He clenched his eyes shut, wishing that he would last longer but both of them knew the truth.

“I love you.” He said quickly, before his mouth opened to let out a loud whimper, He spilled inside her and moved his hips a bit to try to make her finish.

She pulled herself off of him once he began to soften inside her. He whined and thrusted his hips up.

“You didn’t cum -”

“Jongin, it’s okay.” She reassured him once again. “You were a virgin, I didn’t expect to.”

He flipped her onto her back, looking into her eyes.

“I’m not leaving you unsatisfied, love.” His fingers trailed down her body and he watched the reaction she gave him. His hand nudged her legs apart and she kept eye contact with him as his fingers brushed over her clit.

“Jongin, you don’t have to.”

“Sh, I’m gonna take care of you.” He told her. He felt how wet she was and grinned, sliding one of his fingers deep inside her. Her body was reacting to him and he practically lived for it.

He slid a second finger in and began to finger her slowly until she moved her hips to meet him because she needed more. He moved faster, a pretty moan stretching from her lips as he built her up with his fingers.

“Close,” she whimpered, but he already knew. He could tell by the way her walls clamped around his fingers. He watched her body move as he brought her to her climax, watching as she squirmed and arched her back.

He laid next to her and let her calm down from her orgasm. She was breathing heavily, but eventually she calmed down.

“Jongin,” she began, “I don’t want to leave.”

“Then don’t.” Jongin turned on his side, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him. She snuggled into his chest and he was sure she would answer him after that. Instead, it was silent until he fell asleep.

He woke up the next morning and something already seemed off. He realized it was because Jiyoon wasn’t next to him. He always woke up before Jiyoon. He shot out of bed and put his clothes on, picking a different shirt from his bag before he ran to the kitchen.

He saw his mom there, but no Jiyoon.

“Mom, where’s Jiyoon?” He asked breathlessly, leaning against the counter.

“Jiyoon? Honey, she left with her parents. Did she forget something?” His mother frowned at him and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Well, come on, we have to go home too.” Jongin pulled on his mom’s arm. “If we leave now, we might be able to make it before -”

“Nothing’s packed up, you’ll see Jiyoon when you get home.” She tried to reason with him but he just shook his head.

“Then we’ll leave everything here, mom, we have to go home, please -”

“Jongin, we’re not leaving yet, Jiyoon will be there when you get back.” His mother’s voice was stern but he felt his world turning upside down. His eyes welled with tears and he slammed his fist down on the counter, the sound resonating throughout the kitchen. His mom’s eyes widened.

“We have to go get Jiyoon.” He whispered it, scared that if he said it any louder that his voice would crack.

“What’s going on with you?” She asked him, and he barely realized that his sisters had walked into the room to see what the commotion was.

“I love her, mom!” He shouted. “I’m in love with her and she’s gone. She just left me…she’ll be gone when we get back.” His knees felt weak as the tears began to flow down his cheeks. All of their eyes were on Jongin, and they were all shocked except for Jungah.

“Jongin, -” Jungah walked next to him, holding on to his arm.

“She’s gone.” He cried, not caring what his family thought of this.

“- you’ll see her soon, I promise -” she began to lead him to the living room.

“Why would she do this to me?” His heart was breaking the more he realized what was going on.

“- right now, you have to calm down, Jongin, everything’s okay.” His sister sat him down on the couch and he curled up next to her like he did when he was a little kid. He cried against her shoulder until he had no more tears to shed and Jungah let him.

He didn’t even think he could feel anything anymore.

“She loves you, Jongin, she’ll be back.”

He could only hope. After a while, he’d fallen asleep against his sister’s shoulder and she got up, placing him gently against the couch and putting a blanket over him.

“What the hell was that?” Their mother asked Jungah.

“He…he’s in love and he doesn’t know if she loves him.” She shrugged. “I really think something must’ve happened last night for him to act like this. Something that made him think she would stay.”

“He knew what her plans were…”

“Yeah, but…what if she told him that she’d stay?” Jungah bit her lip. “What could’ve happened last night?”

“I have no idea, Jungah, but it’s best that she doesn’t see him now. At least for a while. His heart needs to heal and he’ll go right back to her if we let him.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was five years before Jiyoon came home. Her stay in America didn’t really change much about her - she thought about Jongin every day. Of course she felt terrible for what she did, but if she’d waited for him, she wouldn’t have been able to leave.

She had to live her dreams.

She walked back into her parents’s home and was taking in all the memories that she’d left behind. Not much had changed here either - other than the amounts of photos recklessly strewn on the wall.

She saw one of her and Jongin and she almost smiled before she remembered what she did. He hadn’t tried to contact her in the entirety of her time away. It was clear to her exactly what that meant: he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her.

And that hurt, of course it did, because five years down the road and she still harbored the feelings she had on the last night she spent with him. His family, clearly clueless as to what happened, continued to encourage her to meet with him now that she was back.

She politely declined, telling them that she doubted that he’d want to see her. She couldn’t even bring herself to text him. That was, if he had the same number.

She was more than surprised when she found out exactly what he’d done with his life. Soon after Jiyoon had left, Jongin began training under a company. He only trained a few months before he debuted with now what was one of the most popular groups in Korea. What was she supposed to think? Of course she was proud, but it struck her just how much she’d missed.

Jungah invited Jiyoon out to lunch and there was no way she was going to say no. She was supposed to meet Jongin’s older sister at some small restaurant that nobody really went to. Jiyoon didn’t mind, but that just didn’t seem like a choice Jungah would make.

Jiyoon walked in and looked around, attempting to find where Jungah had said she would be. Jiyoon was about to call her before she felt eyes on her. She turned around slowly and caught eyes with someone she was sure she would never see again - Kim Jongin.

Her heart stopped in her chest and she suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to flee.

He hadn’t changed much, he was still the same height but definitely more muscular and his kind face nearly had a permanent scowl on it as he looked at her. His hair was parted down the middle, and surprisingly for an idol, his hair was his natural color.

He’d become even more attractive that he’d been five years ago, he - for the first time in Jiyoon’s life - looked intimidating. She hadn’t worked up the courage to look up his group or see anything that they’ve been doing; she knew they would do well if all of the members had the same passion that Jongin did.

She must’ve stood there for so long that the hostess walked up to her. She politely declined the woman’s offer and despite every neuron in her body telling her to run, she walked towards Jongin. His eyes were on her the whole time.

“I suppose Jungah brought you here too?” Jiyoon sat across from him.

“I didn’t even know you were back,” he said, “isn’t it early?” She blinked a couple times, unsure of what to respond to him with.

“It’s been five years, Jongin.” She attempted to avoid eye contact - his gaze was so powerful and intimidating now.

“Do you refuse to look at me because you know what you did was fucked up?” He tilted his head a bit. It was clear to see that Jongin wasn’t one who healed with time. Of course, Jiyoon still felt terrible about it.

“I was eighteen and  _drunk_ , I didn’t really have control over my mind at that point or I wouldn’t have -”

“Fucking left the next morning like it was nothing? Or you wouldn’t have slept with me to begin with?” Jongin’s eyes narrowed and Jiyoon ran her fingers through her hair.

“Believe what you want, but I did love you.” She shook her head. “I should’ve known this is what Jungah was planning.” She stood up, grabbing at her things.

“So you’re gonna leave again?”

At that point, she couldn’t even hold anything back anymore, “God damn it, Kim Jongin, what do you want from me?” She was lucky there weren’t very many people in the restaurant. “It’s been five years, I get that what I did was horrible, but what else can I say? Do you want me to  _beg_ for your forgiveness? Because that’s just not happening.”

“You’re causing a scene, sit down.” And that was when it hit Jiyoon that she was making a scene, and with one of the most popular idols in the country. She quickly sat back down and put her head down on the table.

“You left that day and I was a mess. All I thought about was you and my mother told me that you’d be waiting at home when we got there but I knew…I knew you were gone. I couldn’t get my mind off of you so I started training.” He told her, taking a sip of his water. “Even then I wanted you back. After everything you’d done, I still wanted you.”

They were interrupted when the waitress asked them what they’d like to drink, handing them menus. The waitress took one look at Jongin and smiled. She bowed to him.

“I’m a big fan of EXO.” She told him. Jongin’s face instantly lit up and Jiyoon watched as he thanked her for her support.

“Please, don’t let anyone know I was here.” He smiled at her. “I’m supposed to be practicing right now.”

“Ah, like you need any! Your dancing is perfect!” She giggled and walked away once she was called to the counter. Jiyoon took a deep breath and looked out of the window to avoid Jongin.

She had no idea what to say. What  _could_ she say? It was clear that he didn’t want to talk to her.

“I should go.” Jiyoon told him. “I’ll see you whenever -”

“Does it upset you to think that you’re not the only girl in my life anymore?” His words were another blow and she attempted to brush it off. She was about to walk away when his fingers wrapped around her wrist. He looked right at her. “Does it bother you when you think of how many other girls I’ve been with after you?”

She felt her eyes sting with tears and she didn’t even bother to look at him. It took her two tugs of her arm to get away from him. Nothing he could say now would make her want to talk to him. She took a deep breath and walked calmly out of the restaurant to her car.

She wouldn’t show what his words did to her. She slid the seat belt over her chest and shook her head. She ran her fingers through her hair.

As soon as she got into her apartment, her phone began to ring. She looked down at her screen and saw Jungah’s name on the screen. She answered it.

“Kim Jungah, what the fuck was that? I told you guys that I didn’t want to meet with him and then  _this_ \- what  _happened_ to him?”

“Woah,” Jungah was clearly surprised. “He texted me and told me that you ran out so I just…what’d he say?”

“I-it was nothing.” Jiyoon lied.

“It had to do with the morning you left, didn’t it?” She asked. Jungah always knew more than Jiyoon thought she would.

“Jungah, I get that I fucked up but in what world did he have to say those things to me -”

“What happened that night? What made him think you were going to stay?” Jungah’s question made Jiyoon freeze, her heart skipping a beat in her chest.

“I really don’t think you’d want to know.” Jiyoon scrunched up her nose. “Besides, it doesn’t matter -”

“Park Jiyoon, what happened between you and my brother?” Jungah was nearly demanding an answer. “If I know what it is, I can try to help -”

“I slept with him, Jungah. I had sex with Jongin and now he hates me.” It felt nice to get it off her chest, but Jiyoon was nervous when Jungah took a while to answer.

“ _Oh_ ,” she finally replied, “I can see why you didn’t want to tell me. But, um, he’s mad because you slept with him?”

“Uh, not exactly. Your brother was a virgin until eighteen.” Jiyoon frowned, running her fingers through her hair.

“Okay, that doesn’t surprise me, he was like three miles up your ass.” Jungah’s words made her chuckle.

“I still love him, Jungah.” Jiyoon scoffed, shaking her head. “After all this time and I still…ugh.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jiyoon, behind his rudeness and whatever else he was doing, deep down he still loves you. Not even that deep down, either, I talk to him a lot, you know.”

“I don’t know…” Jiyoon sighed. “Maybe it’s time for us to call it quits.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jungah gave Jiyoon a box, telling her that she urgently needed Jiyoon to bring it to a certain address. Jiyoon agreed, considering Jungah had a lot on her hands with her daughter. Jiyoon loaded the box in her car and put the unfamiliar address into her GPS.

She arrived there quickly, on her way to work. Jungah guaranteed that the house owner would be up at 7 AM, so Jiyoon believed her. She got off the elevator on the right floor and walked to the right door - she didn’t bother remembering the room number.

She knocked on the door, hearing the commotion behind it come to a halt. There had to at least five people in there. Jiyoon waited until a man opened the door. She blinked a couple of times, taking in his kind eyes. This man’s hair was a nice brown color and his head was adorned with curls.

Jiyoon bowed the best she could with the box.

“Kim Jungah sent me to give this to you.” At Jiyoon’s words, the man’s face lit up.

“Ah, I see. I’m Kim Junmyeon.” He smiled at her.

“Park Jiyoon,” she replied.

“Park…Jiyoon?” He frowned slightly, looking behind him for a second before regarding her again. “Do you want to come in?”

“Oh, I can’t, I’ve got to get to work soon.” She politely declined, handing him the box. He took it gratefully.

“Junmyeon, what’s taking so long?” The voice made Jiyoon freeze. Jongin’s familiar face walked up behind Junmyeon, making Jiyoon curse under her breath.

“I was just leaving.” She told him, avoiding Jongin’s eyes even though she felt them on her.

“No, no, come in, Jungah sent some food and you delivered it, so we may as well share, yeah?” Junmyeon was a nice guy, but she really couldn’t find it within herself to stay.

“Yeah,” Jongin’s voice surprised her, “Jungah wanted her to bring it here for a reason.” Jongin turned around and Jiyoon took a deep breath, following Junmyeon inside. Instead of five boys in the room, there were nine and  _all_ of them had their eyes on her now.

She bowed to all of them, “I’m Park Jiyoon.” They all had the same, confused look that Junmyeon had so she was more than confused. She learned all of their names and she explained to Junmyeon that she really needed to hurry in order to make it to work on time.

All of the boys were kind and talked to her - except for Jongin. Jiyoon was lucky she’d had another hour before she was supposed to be at work. Junmyeon decided to walk her out after everyone had finished. She was sure he was just being nice until he asked for her number.

She was shocked at first, but she couldn’t find a reason to say no. She gave it to him and she was on her way.

Jongin watched as Junmyeon walked back in.

“Leave her alone, Junmyeon.” Jongin said once, looking right at the older man, who blinked a couple of times.

“What?”

“I mean she’s off limits.” Jongin said, the other boys listening in on their conversation. Jongin had talked about Jiyoon plenty of times.

“Off limits? Jongin, you told us you didn’t want anything to do with her.” Junmyeon chuckled. “You can’t just take that back now that she’s met all of us. It’s been five years, do you really not want anything to do with her or is it because you still love her?” Jongin clenched his jaw and looked away from Junmyeon.

“Off limits,” he growled once at all the boys in the room before walking into his shared bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Jongin laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling fan. With every second, Jiyoon was on his mind again. He hadn’t been in the same room with her for that long in years. It’d be a lie to say he didn’t miss her.

He missed her terribly, but now wasn’t the time to admit that.

He may have told the other EXO members that he didn’t want anything to do with her, but Junmyeon was right. Maybe he did still love her.

He hadn’t realized that she still cared about him until she stormed out in tears. He was a dick. He told her the truth, but there were some things that he should’ve kept from her. He’d been with a lot of girls, but none of them ever amounted up to what Jiyoon was to him.

She was like a virus, once she was in his system, there was no getting her out. Of course he missed her - there was no questioning that. Seeing her again made it all too real for him. She’d left him, though, and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to forgive her for that.

There was a knock at his door and he grumbled in an attempt to make whoever it was go away. He didn’t want to talk to anyone - especially if that person was Junmyeon. He figured that after five years of him speaking of Jiyoon non-stop would’ve told Junmyeon that she was off-limits on it’s own.

Unfortunately, that was clearly  _not_ the case.

He had a long day ahead of him and he had to stop acting this way, at least for now. He decided to get it over with.

An hour after Jiyoon got off of work, she fell asleep almost immediately. Her ringing phone woke her up. There was an unknown number on the screen, and the time said 2:34 in the morning. She answered it.

“Hello?”

“Jiyoon, I’ve never seen Jongin like this,” she recognized Junmyeon’s voice, “he’s been drinking. He’s at the bar down the street from our dorms.” She let out a groan but she was already walking to her door. For an unknown reason, she still felt responsible for him as if he was still the eighteen year old boy she’d left five years ago.

“I’m on my way. Don’t let him go anywhere.”

She walked into the bar and immediately she knew something was wrong. There was nobody - everyone was huddled in the corner and she could’ve sworn she heard a few clicks of a camera. She cursed under her breath and made her way through the crowd, seeing that Jongin was in fact, the center of attention.

“Everyone please stop taking pictures.” She shouted over the loud chatter, nudging Jongin’s arm. He was just about passed out on the table. His eyes were drooping as he looked up at her, confusion crossing his face.

“You’re back?” He asked, almost in shock. “Last time I saw you was when we -”

“Shut up, you’re in public.” Jiyoon smacked his arm gently, “Junmyeon called me to come get you. Come on.” With her help, he was able to stand up. She helped him through the crowd. People continued to take pictures and she knew should probably wouldn’t be able to walk outside without being tackled.

“Where are we going?” His words were slurred together as she helped him into her car.

“I’m bringing you back to your dorm.”

“No,” he whined, shaking his head and leaning against the seat, “I wanna stay with you.” She groaned and closed the car door, walking around the car and sitting down. A few of the people inside had come out to see what was going on, but before Jiyoon even began to think about them, she was driving away.

“I have to take you to your dorm, Jongin.” She informed him.

“I won’t get out.” He rolled his eyes. “I won’t go there unless you stay with me.” Jiyoon was ready to smack her head off of the steering wheel, but the undeniable protectiveness she still had over Jongin took over. She nodded.

“Fine, I’ll stay, but if anyone asks, it’s because I felt bad.” She scoffed. She saw Jongin smile from the corner of her eye.

“But it’s because you still love me, right?” His smile stayed in tact while Jiyoon’s faded. “I’ve loved you for so long, Jiyoon.”

“No, I don’t still love you.” She lied, her grip on the steering wheel tightening. Hopefully Jongin was too drunk to seek the old signs she still made when she lied.

“Jiyoon,” his voice lowered, “I know when you’re lying.” His gaze pierced into her skin as she pulled into the apartment building.

“Go on,” she gestured towards the building.

“Not unless you come with.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Ugh, you big baby,” she groaned, unbuckling her seatbelt and taking the key out of the ignition, “let’s go.” She practically had to drag him to the elevator. She found the place she’d been in earlier that day and Jongin lazily handed her the key.

She gestured for him to walk in first and he did, not waiting to pull her with him. She sighed and allowed him to bring her into his room. He shut the door behind him, taking her off guard when he grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him. She stared into his wide eyes, the breath catching in her throat when she watched him lean in.

He stopped centimeters away from her lips, a small smile forming on his lips. “Just like old times.” He whispered quietly before he closed the distance between their lips. She struggled not to fall into him again. She couldn’t do that now.

He tasted of alcohol and that was what stopped her. Jongin never drank, there was clearly something wrong with him. She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him away, the knowing frown on his face making her want to cry.

“Jongin, you don’t really want that,” she breathed out, shaking her head, “don’t let me do this to you twice.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he sighed, “I overreacted, I was mad because you left, I wanted to hate you and I wanted you to hate what you made me into. I still love you…come back to me. We can be together.”

“Jongin, it’s not that simple -” He cut her off with his lips again, a small sound leaving her mouth. She had to try her hardest not to kiss him back.

“It’s so simple, Ji.” He muttered, his hand trailing down her body and stopping on her butt to push her body into his. “Be with me. Let me show you how much better I’ve gotten.” Her spine tingled but she pushed him away again.

“Please just go to sleep.” She nearly gasped out. “I want you to sleep.”

“I’m not tired.” His fingers trailed through her hair, looking into her eyes. “I know what’ll make me tired though. C’mon, I know you still want me.” She pushed him away again.

“Jongin,  _no_.” She saw the look in his eyes change. “I’m not going to sleep with you while you’re drunk off your ass.”

“J-Jiyoon, I didn’t mean to -” He looked guilty now.

“Save it, Jongin,” she sighed, “you’re drunk. Please just go to bed. I need to go home.”

“Stay.” He looked at her with wide eyes. “I won’t…I won’t try anything, but I need you to stay with me.”

“Kim Jongin, you drive me crazy.” She shook her head, rolling her eyes. He pulled her with him to his bed and when they laid down, he pulled her close to him.

It took him two hours to fully fall asleep. By the time she could wiggle away from him to go home, it was already 6:30 AM. She walked out of his room, clearly tired. She walked out of the room and almost screamed when she saw two of his group members looking at her - Junmyeon and Minseok.

They shared a wide eyed look and Jiyoon, but she just quickly shook her head.

“It’s definitely  _not_ what you think.” She held her hands up.

“And what do we think?” Junmyeon asked, walking out of the kitchen. “Want some coffee?”

“No, no, I’m good.” She smiled. “I really have to go. You called me to bring him back here so I did but he…insisted that I stay. He literally just fell asleep.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to wait for him?” Junmyeon asked her before Minseok walked up next to Junmyeon.

“Definitely sure.” She nodded. “I’m sure you guys have heard this wouldn’t be the first time I didn’t.” She attempted to laugh it off but soon after that she’d grabbed her shoes from the floor and walked out of the door. She sighed, continuing to walk down the hallway.

She just hoped Jongin wouldn’t remember it this time.


	7. Chapter 7

It appeared as if Jongin didn’t remember what had occurred. Jiyoon was grateful for that, obviously, but was also a bit upset. She had hoped that he’d remembered so she’d have a reason to talk to him.

She took that day off of work and almost slept half the day. When she woke up, everything around her reminded her of Jongin. She knew that for both of them, she had to keep him out of her mind. His words replayed over and over again -  _he still loved her._

And she still loved him. If she’d just stayed a few hours that morning, everything would’ve been fine. Jongin would’ve waited for her to come back and they would’ve been together a long time, if not for the rest of their lives.

The thought of marrying Jongin had crossed Jiyoon’s mind more than enough by the time she was sixteen, let alone now. A day hadn’t gone by that she didn’t think of how sweet and loyal of a husband Jongin would’ve been. Instead, she ruined it and she would probably never find out what being married to Jongin was like.

On her day off, she’d found the courage to look up EXO songs. She started with the oldest one she could find, it was called Mama and she couldn’t help but enjoy it. It was amazing how in sync their dancing was.

Eventually, she made it to their most recent - Lotto. She was blown away by what the group had accomplished in five years. Jongin was doing what he loved, and that alone could put a smile on her face. He really shined, despite the nine other boys around him.

She also noticed every little extra move he made.

And she didn’t appreciate it.

She couldn’t help but wonder what exactly had happened to him throughout the years of being in EXO. She hadn’t kept contact with him and he hadn’t even tried to contact her. Was it a coping method or was he really just done with her?

The last thing she wanted was for him to be done.

Her phone began to ring and she groaned when Lotto stopped playing halfway through. She answered the unknown number, sighing.

“Hello?”

“I’m outside your apartment,” the voice was unmistakeable, “let me in.” Jongin didn’t sound too pleased to be outside Jiyoon’s apartment. She hung up on him and made sure to pause the music, locking her phone and tossing it on her bed before walking to the door.

She took a deep breath before she answered it, having to look up to meet Jongin’s eyes.

“What?” She asked him. He pushed past her into her apartment and she sighed, shaking her head. She closed the door and turned around.

“What were you doing at the dorms last night?” He asked almost sharply. She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Junmyeon called me.” She replied, leaning against her front door.

“So? You spent the night with him?” His question made her jaw drop.

“If you think I’d do that, then leave now.” She rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t. Especially not with you in the same place.”

“Then what happened?”

“You were drunk, and since you never drink, Junmyeon was worried. You wouldn’t go with him so he called me to go get you. I drove you back to your dorm and you refused to go in unless I was with you. I only stayed until you fell asleep.” She explained to him. She watched as his tongue darted out to wet his lips before he took the bottom one between his teeth.

“So did we have sex?” He asked her.

“Does everything I do have to do with sex, Jongin? You were drunk, I wasn’t going to do anything with you when you were like that.” She walked past him into her kitchen. He followed her.

“Say I wasn’t drunk,” Jongin began, “would you have slept with me then?” She was more stunned than anything as she turned to look at him.

“Listen,” she ran her fingers through her hair, “I loved you a lot, you know. I wanted to make you happy and that’s why I couldn’t tell you that then. I was leaving, I  _did_ leave. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I can’t take it back, I get it, but let’s just move on, okay?”

“What do you mean?” He frowned at her.

“You carry on with your superstar life and I’ll continue with my regular, crazy fangirl free life, okay? I don’t want to hurt you again, that’s the last thing I wanted then too -”

“But you  _did_ , Jiyoon!” He nearly shouted it. “You hurt me then and this is fucking hurting me now.”

“I can’t make up for the past, I just can’t, okay? I shouldn’t have just had sex with you when I knew you were a virgin and when I knew I was leaving, when I…when I knew you were in love with me.” She turned away from him and attempted to blink away the tears that had begun to gather.

“What was special about that?” He asked, confusing her.

“What?” She replied.

“You told me to make sure losing my virginity was  _special_ , Jiyoon, what the  _fuck_ was special about that night?” His words sent her into shock. She froze and felt her heart break into millions of pieces.

He was right. He was always right.

She felt the first tear fall but she still refused to acknowledge him. Her heart was beating a million times a second, she could barely think straight. This was the truth, the cold, hard truth that she knew she’d have to hear if she was around Jongin again.

“How could you talk about how you wanted yours to be special, but then just take mine from me?”

She broke.

“What the hell do you want from me?” She screamed it as she turned around, unable to control the tears. “I  _know_ I fucked up, I  _know_ I shouldn’t have done what I did, but what the fuck are you doing?” His eyebrows furrowed with worry as he looked at her, attempting to walk closer to her.

“Jiyoon…”

She backed up, shaking her head. “Don’t touch me.”

He walked closer and she backed up until her back hit the counter.

“Don’t.”

He reached out to her anyway, pulled her close to his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around her.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry, just please don’t cry.”

She couldn’t find it within herself to fight him anymore. If it hadn’t been for his arms around her, she would’ve fallen to the floor. He tightened his grip and rested his head on top of her’s.

“I lied.” He whispered, making her look up at him. “It was special because it was you. I wouldn’t have wanted it to be anyone else.” She gripped tightly, forgetting every bad thing that had happened between the two of them.

He was her best friend.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled, “I shouldn’t have left. I should’ve stayed with you. We’d be together right now -”

“We can’t change the past, but we can make it right, Ji, okay? I still love you.” He looked into her eyes. “We both did what we wanted.”

“I never stopped loving you.” She admitted, watching as he bit his lip. Her mind traveled back five years to when he first kissed her as his eyes trailed down to her lips before slowly looking back into her eyes.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he breathed out before his lips were against her’s. Immediately, she kissed him back, not hesitating to reach up to his hair. There was heat and intensity behind his kiss that she’d never gotten from Jongin before. He had always been soft and sweet.

He’d gotten stronger, more steady on his feet than he was at eighteen. He gripped beneath her thighs, lifting her with ease. She gasped into the kiss and wrapped her legs around his waist. He kissed her again, one of his arms secure around her and the other running through her hair.

He moved towards her bedroom and she already felt her body reacting to him. Soon enough, she was being placed gently on her bed, his body soon joining her’s. His face was centimeters away from her’s.

“Let me have you.” He whispered, kissing from her jawline to her neck, lightly nipping the skin. “Tell me I can have you.” He looked back into her eyes, waiting for her response.

She nodded slowly, feeling his hands move under her shirt. Her skin tingled where he touched her, leaving her wishing he was everywhere. She gripped his shirt, purely just because she needed him as close as possible.

He pulled her shirt over her head, scanning her body as if he was committing it to memory. His hands trailed up her sides a couple times before he reached behind her back. She arched off of her bed a bit to let him unclasp her bra with ease.

He gave her a look and before her bra hit the ground, his lips wrapped around one of her nipples. Wetness seeped from her core as she tossed her head back gently. She’d slept with other people after him, but none of them made her feel this way.

When he pulled his lips from her nipple, the small trail of saliva following him made her moan. He sat on his knees to take his shirt off, revealing a much more toned body that nearly made Jiyoon’s jaw drop. He must’ve noticed because he gave her a small smirk before kissing her again.

He began to grind against her and she moaned at first contact. She loved feeling his bare skin pressed against her’s. One of his hands slid inside the soft pair of shorts she was wearing. His fingers traced over the growing wet spot and he sigh in content, a smirk seemingly permanently etched onto his face.

“After five years, I still do this to you?” He hummed, rubbing over the spot. “Just wait til you see what I can do, Ji.” He pressed down, feeling her squirm under him. She didn’t even respond as she attempted to get friction on her core.

He only teased her for a few more seconds before he removed his hand.

“I can’t do this anymore, I need you now.” He pulled her shorts and panties down, once again scanning her body. Seeing him look directly at her dripping wet core almost made her attempt to close her legs, even though he was between them.

He pulled his pants and boxers down, somehow gracefully for how hard he was. He wrapped his fingers around himself and thrusted into his hand once, twice, three times before he was back over her.

“I love you,” he whispered to her as he lined himself with her entrance, “I always will, no matter what.”

“I love you too.” She said confidently, feeling as Jongin trailed his hands up and intertwined their fingers. He held her hands down next to her head before slowly sinking into her.

She gasped as he stretched her and she felt his body shudder over her’s. She squirmed under him and her body already felt hot. She bucked her hips up against his, practically begging for more of him already.

He kissed her shoulder before trailing up her neck to meet her lips. His thrusts were slow, her hands squeezing tightly onto his. He seemed to have a lot more self control now than he had all that time ago. His hips worked perfectly, keeping his pace steady.

“You’re so tight,” he hummed against her neck, nipping at the skin, “I’ve wanted to fuck you again since I saw you in that restaurant.” Her spine tingled at his words, a small moan escaping her lips.

He gripped her hands tighter as he picked up his pace, making shameless moans leave Jiyoon’s lips. He enjoyed it more than he let on. It was nice to finally have her squirming under him and wanting him like how he’d been the same for her five years ago.

He felt her begin to tighten on his cock and he let out a whimper. It only served to make her squeeze around him more. He cursed under his breath before he couldn’t take it anymore. He began to pound into her, her moans becoming increasingly louder with each thrust.

“You take my cock so well,” he groaned, enjoying the way his words affected her. He slid into her g-spot, making her nearly scream in pleasure. She couldn’t hold back her moans, especially since he had her hands pinned beside her head.

“Jongin, I’m so -”

“I know.” He replied. “I can feel you.” He thrusted hard and deep, attempting to hit her spot with every movement of his hips. Once he successfully hit her g-spot, she was crumbling around him. She squeezed him so tight that his hips finally faltered and he began to squirm himself.

He moaned loudly as he spilled inside her, his chest heaving as he stopped moving. His body was covered with sweat and Jiyoon’s was too. He kissed around her face and her neck, slowly and reluctantly pulling out of her.

Jiyoon was overwhelmed, everything happened too fast but so mind blowingly slow at the same time. He fell next to her and they both panted until they’d calmed down successfully. Jongin was the first to speak.

“This…this is happening, right?” He cleared his throat. “We’re gonna fix it this time?”

“Do you want to?” She looked at him.

“What kind of question is that?” He chuckled quietly.

And they talked. It had to have been at least an hour of them just  _talking_ to each other. She told him about America and he told her about being an idol and the training he went through. She loved how passionate he was about it.

Jiyoon pulled the covers down and Jongin cuddled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. She relaxed under his touch instantly, sighing when his fingers came in contact with her arm. He traced small shapes on her arms until she fell asleep.

He waited until her breathing was steady. He loved her too much to express with words but somehow, even though he  _knew_ he loved her, he was carefully sitting up and putting his clothes back on.

He blinked away tears as he stood in her doorway, watching her peaceful, sleeping form. He hadn’t slept with her to do this. He had every intention of staying that night…but he was scared - terrified, even. This was  _Jiyoon_ , the girl he’d been in love with his entire life, and now he had her. He had her and he was giving her up.

He  _loved her._

Why couldn’t things work out for them?

Why did it seem like whatever higher power there was didn’t want them together?

Why couldn’t he  _stay_?

He actually began to cry as he exited her apartment, closing the door softly behind him. He took a deep breath and attempted to wipe away the tears. He hated doing this to Jiyoon. He wanted nothing more than to stay, to hold her, to wake up next to her. He was ready to marry her at eighteen. He knew that she was everything he wanted. She was the  _only_ person he’d ever thought of like that. But maybe…

Maybe when she woke up, she’d finally understand what he felt that morning five years ago.


	8. Chapter 8

When he arrived home, it was just past one in the morning and Jongin was surprised to find Junmyeon was waiting for him. He was thankful it was dark or Junmyeon would’ve seen how he’d been crying. He expected everyone to be asleep.

“Where’ve you been?” Junmyeon’s jaw clenched and he crossed his arms over his chest. Jongin attempted to walk past Junmyeon to his room, but the older man grabbed his arm tightly. He asked again, “where’ve you been?”

“I…I was with Jiyoon.” He cleared his throat, watching as Junmyeon’s eyes narrowed.

“This late?”

“Yes, this late, Junmyeon, I’m twenty-three.” Jongin stopped attempting to get away from him and prepared himself for millions of questions.

“What happened to hating her, Jongin?” Junmyeon asked him. “Did you sleep with her?”

“What’s it matter to you?” Jongin snapped back. “Don’t worry about where my dick’s been.”

“You’re fucking  _dumb_.” Junmyeon growled. “People followed you to her apartment, you know. I’m sure they waited for you to come back out too. Is that what you want people to think about you? That you got petty so you fucked a girl and left her alone?”

“You mean, what she did to me?” Jongin said. “She’ll know what it felt like to wake up without her, just to find out she  _left_ -”

“You’re caught up over something that happened  _five years ago_ , Jongin! I get that she hurt you, but you doing this makes you just as bad. She was eighteen, she was still a teenager. You’re a grown  _adult_.” The doors of the bedrooms began to open around them and the other boys tiredly came out of their rooms.

“I loved her, Junmyeon, and she said she loved me too. She lied to me and I’ll never forgive her for that.” Jongin turned around and walked towards his room.

“If you think she lied about loving you then you’re even more dense than I thought.” Junmyeon scoffed. “She  _still_ loves you. I could tell when she was here yesterday.”

“Why are you defending her?” Jongin asked. “Why are you suddenly on her side? Did she fuck you too?”

“Alright, Jongin, that’s enough.” Baekhyun stepped in between the two. “It’s late, you both need to sleep.” Baekhyun actually had to grab Jongin and push him towards his bedroom as he continued to yell.

“You’ll never fucking have her like I did!”

Baekhyun eventually got Jongin far enough in his room to close the door. Jongin was angry, he said a lot of dumb things when he was angry, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t feel bad, either. He was right - Jiyoon, if she ever liked Junmyeon, would never love him more than Jongin.

He fell asleep that night, images of Jiyoon filling his dreams.

Jiyoon woke up the next morning and she couldn’t say a part of her hadn’t expected it. This was what her and Jongin were supposed to do with their lives. They could never have each other for more than a night.

All of his words of the night ran through her head and she rolled her eyes, getting dressed and making coffee.  _He_ was the one who said they would really be together this time. He left. He made it seem like he would finally stay with her, but ended up leaving.

The more she thought about it, the more similarities she found within their first time and now. She drank her coffee and couldn’t help but feel the undeniable hole in her heart. She was happy that it was Saturday at least, allowing her to sit around the whole day.

She wouldn’t chase him. She wouldn’t text or call him.

She would do exactly what he did.

She didn’t care if it took ten years for him to come back.

Her phone began to ring and thankfully, it brought her out of her Jongin-induced trance. She answered the phone, “hello?”

“Park Jiyoon, why was Jongin at your apartment last night?” Jungah sounded deathly serious and Jiyoon’s mind began to whirl.

“How did you know that?” She asked quietly.

“There’s pictures of him arriving around eight and then leaving around twelve-thirty in the morning. Why was he there?” Jungah already knew, Jiyoon couldn’t hide anything now.

“He came here and I was really surprised, obviously, I didn’t invite him here. Or tell him where I lived, but whatever. So he came in and started yelling at me because he thought I slept with Junmyeon and then I started crying and he kissed me and…you know, stuff happened.” Jiyoon ran her fingers through her hair, listening to Jungah sigh.

“Is he good to you?” Jungah asked finally. Jiyoon blushed.

“Are you asking if your brother’s good in bed?”

“ _No_ , God no, I don’t want to know anything about that.” Jungah cringed. “I mean in general. Do you think he loves you?”

“I-I don’t know, he said he did. He seemed like he really wanted something to happen between the two of us but I guess he didn’t really because as you can see he left after.” Jiyoon groaned, “Why does nothing work out for us?”

“Go see him, then.”

“Jungah, I can’t do that, it makes me seem -”

“Like you actually care. He wants to know you care, that’s why he left.” Jungah explained to her. “You may be his best friend, but I’m his sister, and I know him very well. Especially these past few years. He hasn’t changed at all. He loves you.”

“If this backfires on me, Jungah, I swear I’m going into hiding and changing my name.”

Jiyoon showed up at their dorm, knocking on the door. It was Jongin who opened the door and he quickly made to close it after he saw her. She held the door open and walked in.

“What are you doing here?” He asked her quietly, trying to keep the boys out of it.

“Really? That’s the first thing you ask me?” She scoffed. “People  _followed_ you, and now they know where I live, is that not fucking creepy enough?”

“It’s not like I’m going back there.” He shrugged. “What’s the big deal?”

“Are you really…you’re really going to act like nothing happened?” She paused for a second, shaking her head.

“That’s because nothing happened.”

“So you didn’t tell me you loved me? You didn’t tell me that you wanted this to work? You didn’t sleep with me last night?” She narrowed her eyes at him, watching as he glanced back towards the other boys.

“Can you keep your voice down -”

“No,” she shook her head, “I’m sure they know already anyway. Did I make the first move last night? Did I push myself onto you? Is that what you said?”

“Jiyoon, please -”

“Was getting revenge so fucking important to you that you have to drag everyone along with you?” She shouted at him. She hadn’t noticed that the eight other boys stood up to see what was going on.

“That’s -”

“I’m done, Jongin.” She shook her head. “I’m not playing this game anymore. You finally got your revenge like you wanted, don’t talk to me anymore. I won’t wonder what could’ve been anymore. Carry on with your extraordinary life, I hope you’re happy with yourself.” She turned around and swung the door open.

She attempted to fight against him when he grabbed her arm. He pulled her close to him and his arms wrapped so tightly around her that she couldn’t move away from him. She tried to push at his chest and fought against him the best she could but he was too strong now.

“Let me go.” Jiyoon fought against him.

“I can’t,” he shook his head, only wincing a little bit, “I won’t.”

“You’re an asshole,” she pushed away from him again, finally breaking free from his grasp, “I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t want you to come after me. You’re good at not going after people.” She turned away and ran, but not before he saw her tear filled eyes.

He sat in shock for a moment before he followed her out. He stopped her right before she got into her car. He closed the car door and pushed her against it. She watched him with wide eyes.

“There’s people everywhere.” She breathed quietly.

“Since when do I give a fuck?” He gave her a small half smile before cupping her cheeks and kissing her. She couldn’t help but kiss him back. She missed him more than she’d ever let anyone know.

“They’re going to take pictures -”

“Let them.” He said before he kissed her again.

“You’ll get in so much trouble for this.” She looked into his eyes, seeing a surprising softness to them.

“I’m tired of acting like I don’t love you.” He told her. “It hurt me to leave. I don’t know why I did, but please believe when I say that I love you.”

“You can’t just -”

“I know,” he nodded, “I’ll try to make it up to you.”

“Go back inside.” She told him. “People are recognizing you.”

“Nothing could make me go back in there. Not when you’re out here.” He whispered, brushing her hair behind her ear. “I love you, Park Jiyoon. There’s nothing stopping me this time.”


	9. Chapter 9

Unfortunately, people  _had_ taken pictures and videos of the two of them together, catching him kissing Jiyoon and telling her that he didn’t care what anyone thought. There were a few strong supporters but many, finding out bits of their complicated past, were against it.

He still said he didn’t care, that the only opinion about Jiyoon that mattered was his own. He waited five years to see her again, he waited even longer to call her  _his_. Nothing was going to stop him now.

He knew SM would call him in to talk to him soon, but he couldn’t find it within in himself to care. He spent the rest of the day with Jiyoon, both of them going to her apartment. They’d been followed, but nobody besides the two and other residents were allowed inside the building.

Jiyoon was grateful that she had good security.

“Jiyoon,” he stopped her once they made it in the door, “let me kiss you.”

“Nobody’s stopping you.” She shrugged. He pulled her to him, giving her a small smile before he kissed her gently. She melted into everything that was Jongin.

“I’m sorry,” he said once he pulled away, “I shouldn’t have done the stupid shit I’ve done, I shouldn’t have hurt you the way I did. I’m still in love with you, Park Jiyoon.”

“I think I hurt you more,” she reached up to touch his cheek, smiling when he leaned into her touch, “I shouldn’t have left. I can’t imagine not being in love with you.” He kissed her again, this time holding her as close to him as he could.

“Five years is so long…we’ve got a lot to make up for.” He smirked against her lips.

“We have a problem.” She told him.

He looked at her seriously with his eyebrow raised.

“I don’t think our deal is going to work out. I think I’m gonna be in a very serious relationship by the time I’m thirty.” She put her hands on his chest but still stayed close to him, his hands resting on the small of her back.

“With who?” He pouted. She laughed, shaking her head.

“Still not the sharpest, huh?” She tilted her head a bit and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m serious, who -  _oh_ , do you mean me?” His reaction had her laughing.

He couldn’t help but smile and move one of his hands up to touch her cheek. He enjoyed her soft skin and before he could even realize what he was doing, he was leaning in and kissing her again. Her lips melded perfectly with his and he felt her fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt.

“So much to make up for.” He mumbled against her lips, pulling her as close as he could. She hummed into the kiss and he had to refrain from making his own sound. Her hands slid into his hair and she was pressed even closer to Jongin.

“What are we waiting for?” She asked, meeting his eyes once more. He took his bottom lip between his teeth and shook his head slowly at her, a smirk slowly spreading across his face.

“Is that a challenge?” He raised his eyebrow at her.

“If that’s what it has to be.” She shrugged. He smiled.

“Jump.” He told her. She’d never experienced his voice in that tone, so she decided she’d listen. She jumped and he grabbed her, waiting for her legs to wrap around his waist.

“Why don’t you really show me what you’ve learned in the past five years?” She tilted her head a bit and she saw the lust cloud his eyes.

“Oh, babe, you have no idea what you just asked for.” He smirked, kissing her hard. His hands travelled down to her butt, and her’s went to the buttons on his shirt. She struggled to push it from his shoulders so she left it there. He began to walk towards her room, one of his hands trailing under her shirt. He opened her bedroom door and once they were both inside, he kicked it closed behind them.

He set her on her bed gently before he pulled his shirt from his shoulders. As he climbed over her, just as his lips caught her’s, his phone began to go off in his pocket. He groaned, shaking his head before kissing her again.

“It could be important, Jongin,” Jiyoon told him breathlessly, pushing at his chest. “Answer it.”

“If it’s important, they’ll call again.” He hummed, kissing her again. She couldn’t muster up the strength to argue, she wanted him. He broke the kiss to pull her shirt over her head. His hands trailed up her sides before squeezing her breasts gently.

She kissed him, arching her back a bit to let him unclasp her bra. He slid it from her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her neck. He slowly moved his lips down to her collarbone, nipping at the skin. She let out a small moan and he began to work his hips against her.

“You’re moving too slow,” she whined, lifting her hips to meet his, “I want you.”

“You have me.” His simple reply made her smile, because  _finally_ , she did have him.

“You know what I meant,” she reached down and unbuttoned his pants.

“Hm, I’m not sure I do,” he smirked, “enlighten me.”

“Jongin -”

“Say it. Tell me what you want.” His tone changed again and she felt wetness seep to her core.

“I-I want,” she paused, a red blush appearing on her face, “Jongin, come on.” She smacked his shoulder gently.

“Baby, I can’t read your mind, you’ve got to tell me  _exactly_ what you want.” He had an almost innocent smile on his face and she wondered how he could even manage that in a situation like this.

“Jongin, it’s just so…inappropriate.” She smacked his shoulder when he started laughing, burying his head into her shoulder as he attempted to stop laughing.

“You mean we’re half naked in bed together but saying you want me is inappropriate?” He asked once he had almost stopped laughing.

“It’s embarrassing,” she blushed.

“Nobody can hear you except for me, sweetheart.” He bit his lip. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about…do you want me to tell you what I want? Will that help?” She looked up at him, almost shocked at how much he’d changed.

Slowly, she nodded, not breaking eye contact with him.

“Mm, well first I wanna tease you a little bit.” He smirked. “It wouldn’t be fun if you weren’t needy. I wanna be rough with you, I want my fingertips to leave marks on your hips and I want your body shaking under mine. I want you begging for me to fuck you senseless, screaming my name so much that you won’t be able to talk tomorrow. I want to fuck you until you’re fucking limping.” He sighed into her skin. “Do you want that too, baby?”

“Fucking hell, Kim Jongin, if you’re not inside me in the next ten seconds I’m gonna fucking go crazy.” At her words, he sprung to action, pulling her pants and panties down in one tug before working on his own pants. He cursed under his breath when he pulled his boxers down and his rock hard cock sprung against his stomach.

He wrapped his fingers around himself and stroked a couple times, staring into Jiyoon’s eyes as he did so. She didn’t know where to look, but found herself captivated in his dark gaze.

“I think it’s been ten seconds.” She breathed quietly, nearly lost in watching him touch himself.

He lined himself up with her entrance, teasing her with his tip. “Good thing I’m in charge.”

He thrusted into her, feeling her body nearly curl into his as her velvety walls surrounded him. He fought every urge he had telling him to move. He wanted her to beg for him. He almost lost it when she started to move her hips against his.

“Beg for me.” He told her, even though his voice was strained.

“Please, Jongin,” she gripped onto his shoulders, “please fuck me.”

He didn’t need anything else. His pace was hard and fast and had her bed squeaking with each of his thrusts. Her nails dug into his back, neither of them really remembering that he wasn’t supposed to have any marks on his body.

It didn’t matter to him when he was with her. He wanted the whole world to know that he had her. He  _finally_ had her.

The way he rubbed against her walls nearly had her screaming as she called out his name. He never stopped moving his hips, the years of his life he spent dancing paying off in more ways than one.

“You’re so tight,” he moaned, a thin sheet of sweat covering their skin as his hips slammed into her’s. She met his thrusts, digging her nails harder into his shoulders. She began to tighten around him and he kissed her in anticipation for her climax.

“I’m so close,” she warned him, but he just nodded.

“Me too,” he told her, “cum for me.” One of his hands moved between the two of them and rubbed her clit. Her body shook as she reached her high, squeezing tight around Jongin. His body shuddered and his thrusts faltered a bit before he reached his own orgasm.

Once he regained his breath, he kissed her gently before slowly pulling out of her. He cupped her cheek and smiled at her, giving her one more kiss.

“I -” He was cut off by his cell phone ringing. He groaned and answered it. “Junmyeon, what is it?”

He listened to him, all Jiyoon could hear was the noise coming from his phone but she couldn’t make out the words Junmyeon was saying. She watched as Jongin’s face fell and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Right now?” He bit his lip. “Jiyoon too?” He nodded, even though Junmyeon couldn’t see it. “We’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” He hung up the phone and looked at Jiyoon.

“Is everything okay?” She asked.

“The manager wants to speak with us.” He stood up and started to put his clothes on. Jiyoon got up and got new panties out of her drawer. She went to her closet to grab a shirt and quickly put her bra back on.

“Is this about…?” She trailed off.

“It’s probably about the pictures, yeah.” He finished tucking his shirt into his pants as she pulled her own pants on. “Don’t worry about it, though, okay? Nothing’s gonna happen to you.”

“Jongin, I don’t want anything to happen to  _you_.” She replied with a sigh, walking towards him. He pulled her close to him, cupping her cheeks and kissing her forehead.

“Everything will be okay, I promise.” He gave her a small smile. “Let’s go.”

They arrived at the SM building and Jiyoon was already intimidated. The building was huge but Jongin kept her as close to him as possible. Soon enough they were sitting in a room with who she assumed was EXO’s manager.

“Look, I don’t want to burst whatever bubble you two have right now, but Jongin’s an idol.” The manager began once Jiyoon and Jongin had settled into the chairs. “He’s got an image to protect and following people outside and pushing them against cars is  _not_ something an idol can do.” His eyes were directly on Jiyoon.

“Hey, it’s not her fault that I did that, okay? I chose to follow her out there. She actually told me not to follow her.” Jongin defended her, squeezing her hand with his own. “She’s not at fault for any of this.”

The manager pulled out his phone, sliding it over for Jongin to look at. Jiyoon looked too, her heart sinking in her chest when she saw what he’d shown Jongin. It was photos of the two of them from just an hour ago, her legs wrapped around Jongin’s waist and his hand up her shirt.

“How did they even -”

“That’s from my fucking  _window_.” Jiyoon scoffed.

“You’re damn lucky that all they got was your hand up her shirt, Jongin.” The manager told him. “Imagine if you’d done more. Imagine the kind of images then. Why don’t you ever think ahead?”

“I didn’t think they’d get pictures through her window -”

“This just can’t happen, Jongin.” The older man sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “You can’t have this relationship. It’d be different if you could keep it under wraps, but you can’t even - no. You just can’t.”

“You can’t just - you don’t understand what’s happened between Jiyoon and I, I’m not letting her go.”

“Well, if you’re in EXO, you have no choice.” The manager shrugged.

“Fine, the contracts need to be renewed anyway, I’m out. I love her. I want to marry her one day, I’m not letting her go. If leaving EXO is what I have to do, then I’ll do it.” Jongin said, leaving both the manager and Jiyoon in shock.

“Jongin, no,” Jiyoon shook her head, “I won’t let you do that.”

“I’m not losing you again.” Jongin argued. “I didn’t wait five years for this to happen.” He stood from his chair. “You tell them I’m not signing that damn contract again.” He went to leave but Jiyoon stood and grabbed his arm.

“Just give me a minute, don’t tell them anything, okay?” She said to the manager, who nodded. She pulled Jongin out of the door. “You can’t do this, Jongin, I know you don’t want to let this go but your dreams are more important.”

“Why does this keep happening to us?” He asked, his eyes welling with tears. “Why can’t we just be together?”

“Maybe…maybe we’re just not meant to be, Jongin.” She shook her head. “You’re living your dream. If you let me take you from that I’ll never forgive myself. We waited five years, who says we can’t do it again?”

“I don’t want to wait.” He whispered, biting his lip. “What if you don’t love me in five years? What if…what if -”

“Jongin, stop it.” She told him. “I won’t let you leave EXO for me, you’re going to stay here and work your ass off as usual and in five more years if you still love me, then you can decide what to do about EXO, okay?”

“Don’t leave me, Jiyoon.” He frowned. “I can’t handle that long without you again. I just need you with me and I…I want to marry you one day and have kids and -”

“We still have time for that in five years, Jongin.” She told him. “I’m going to go now, and I want you to sign whatever contract they give you. Just focus on your career for now, and then we’ll be together again soon.” He blinked away tears as he looked at her.

Without saying anything, he pulled her close to him and kissed her. She kissed him back, melting into his touch nearly immediately. She gripped the sleeves of his jacket and when he broke the kiss he hugged her tightly.

“Wait for me, okay? Just five years, and then we can really be together.” He looked right into her eyes.

“Of course I’ll wait for you, Jongin.” She smiled sadly. “There’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

He kissed her one more time, stealing every ounce of oxygen she had left.

“Just wait for me.” He whispered once more before he turned around and walked back into the office.

And for some reason, even though she told him to go, she wanted nothing more than for him to turn around and choose her instead. She knew how he was though, they were both the same.

They put their dreams first.


	10. Chapter 10

Junmyeon had never seen Jongin like that. After he came back to the dorms, he wasn’t himself. Jongin stayed inside his room, only coming out when he had to. Junmyeon knew it had to be hard for him, but he never expected their lives to be cut off from each other completely.

Almost two years later, and not a word from Jiyoon. In her defense, he hadn’t tried to contact her either. Junmyeon could tell that this wouldn’t just blow over. Jongin wasn’t going to be himself until he had Jiyoon.

He was sure Jongin wouldn’t be okay any time soon - he didn’t expect him to be. It seemed as if fate hated Jongin and Jiyoon; every time they had each other, they slipped through each other’s fingertips.

Why couldn’t they just be together? Why couldn’t things just work out for once?

Junmyeon surely thought they should’ve. After five years of not seeing each other, it was clear to every member of EXO, not just Junmyeon, that they still loved each other. Hopefully the next time they meet, they’d be able to stay together.

What Junmyeon hadn’t expected was to run into Jiyoon just on the streets one day. He was sure she must’ve moved far away - he hadn’t seen her in nearly eleven months. He had to take a second to recognize that it was her at first. She really hadn’t changed much.

He couldn’t help but walk up to her and tap her shoulder, smiling as she turned around to face him.

“It’s been a while.” His smile fell as he realized how confused she looked. After a moment of confusion, her eyes suddenly widened and she smiled back at him.

“Junmyeon!” She exclaimed. “It  _has_ been a while.” Just as she said that, another man walked up to her, holding a small child. As he wrapped his arm around her, she introduced him, “Junmyeon, this is my husband, Kang Jaeseok, and my daughter Jisoo, she’s almost two.”

Junmyeon tried to contain his shock. Husband? Daughter? In the span of two years? That didn’t sound like Jiyoon. Especially not after she promised to wait for Jongin. He’d never heard of a man named Jaeseok before, maybe he could ask Jongin without telling him.

There was no way he could tell Jongin that Jiyoon was married and had a kid. Junmyeon was sure the poor guy would break down and never get back up.

It was just so…unlike her.

“Who’s this, Jiyoon?” Jaeseok asked, eyeing Junmyeon. He didn’t seem very friendly either.

“Oh, this is Kim Junmyeon, he’s an old friend.” She told Jaeseok with a smile. She turned to Junmyeon. “It was nice to see you again, but we’ve got to get going! Keep in touch.” With that, he watched as they walked off. He was in shock more than anything.

Was she already pregnant when Jongin came back into her life? Junmyeon shook the thought from his head. She’d had a baby with Jaeseok,  _after_ she broke things off with Jongin.

Junmyeon got back to the dorms and was surprised to see Jongin on the couch, watching TV and munching on something he must’ve found in the cupboards.

“Jongin?” Junmyeon asked.

Jongin let out a noise that Junmyeon assumed meant ‘what’.

“Have you ever met a guy named Jang Jaeseok? At any point in your life?” Junmyeon saw Jongin tense.

“Why?” He asked.

“Just answer the question, please.”

“Well…yeah, back in high school he dated Jiyoon for a year…he broke up with her because she wouldn’t have sex with him.” Jongin narrowed his eyes at Junmyeon. “Why?” Junmyeon scrunched up his nose.

“No reason…this guy walked up to me and asked about you. That’s what he said his name was.” After Junmyeon said that, Jongin dismissed it.

It was almost 8 PM now, Jiyoon was working at her computer when Jaeseok walked up to her.

“Come on, let’s go to bed. Jisoo’s asleep and you’ve got work in the morning.” Jaeseok attempted to reason with her. When he saw that she was barely acknowledging him, he knew something was wrong. He asked, “Is everything okay?”

“How did I know Kim Junmyeon, Jaeseok?” She asked, not looking at him.

“You said he was an old friend, that’s all I know.” Jaeseok shrugged with a sigh.

“How could he have possibly been an old friend?” She looked at him. “How could someone like that be friends with me with no actual connection? How did I meet him? Why won’t you  _tell_ me anything?”

“I  _have_ told you, Jiyoon.” Jaeseok sighed. “It’s not my fault that you choose not to believe me.”

“Then tell me the story again.”

“Jiyoon -”

“Tell me the story again.” She repeated. “Tell me how we met, how we fell in love, when we even had the time to get married, Jaeseok, I want to remember these things.”

“And you would if you hadn’t…if you hadn’t gotten into the accident that day. It was your fault.” Jaeseok’s words stung her heart, but she just shook her head.

“I just want to remember.” She ran her fingers through her hair.

“Just come to bed, okay? Staying up late won’t help you.” He sighed, holding his hand out to her. She gave him a small smile and she took his hand, allowing him to lead her to their shared room. Once she changed, both of them situated on their bed.

Jiyoon turned on her side away from him and let out a quiet sigh. She didn’t know what was happening in her mind but she knew he wasn’t being completely honest. He pulled her close to him and his lips gently brushed against her neck.

“Jiyoon, are you tired?” He asked.

“No.” She replied bluntly, wishing he would go to sleep. Instead, his lips pressed harder against her skin and he added his tongue.

“I want you, Jiyoon.” He whispered, his hands trailing over her hip.

She immediately tensed, a dizzy feeling coming over her as she moved away from him. There was something in the back of her mind, she couldn’t see what was happening, it was all going too fast.

She nearly ran out of the bedroom, finding the bathroom quickly and attempting to calm herself down. What was going on with her?

She smelled fire, she heard herself speaking to someone else, a house she didn’t recognize - what was happening to her? She felt like someone else was kissing her neck, whispering to her that he wanted her… _who was it?_

Who did she forget?


End file.
